My Life as a Married Momma

Huge Update

2011-02-05T11:24:00.000-08:00

So in the last few months quite a bit has happened :-)...Marty has celebrated many 1st's!

He has celebrated his first Thanksgiving!

He played Baby Jesus in the Church Christmas Eve Service

He celebrated his Christmas!

He tried blueberries for the first time ( I know previous post said he liked blueberries he actually liked strawberries at that time.

He has learned how to sit up on his own

and how to roll over from front to back and back to front!

(Tummy time is way better now!)

On the same day he learned how to sit up by himself, and roll over from his back to his belly he also cut his first tooth...this kid cant just hit one milestone at a time he has to hit multiple ones lol

He is so funny....he coo's and babble's, and if mama is eating he wants whatever food I have...even if he just finished eating 5 min before hand...he wants my food...

He coughs or says abu for my mom...but the rest haven't received their calling cards yet lol

He smacks his lips to get someones attention or to call the dogs over :-)

Dan has really stepped up his game with helping out around here and with Marty and I doubt he has any clue to how much it means to me! If Im trying to get Marty's stuff ready to get out the door, he'll change his diaper and do anything else to make my life easier.

I also think I know what was causing the low sex drive, and migraines, and a whole list of other side effects....Depo....The Depo shot is finally wearing off and I'm on Mireana now, and Ive been having less migranes, and even if my sex drive still isn't where it was, its getting better... definitely should have gone and been switched over sooner....

Dan is still trying to lose weight for the Marine's, and I think at the very least he may join the reserves and be a weekend warrior....which is fine by me....I want him to see Marty as much as possible!

The apt is slowly getting back into working order....I dont know if its the hope of Spring coming early, or if Im finally fully recovered from giving birth, but Im starting to feel lots better 7 months later, and having the energy to get stuff done around here!

Well I believe my little munchkin man may be awake....so lets see whats good for play time!

Life

2010-12-10T15:46:00.001-08:00

As much as I love being a Mama, I miss having a life that didnt consist of changing diapers, cleaning up spit up and dealing with tears and not being able to figure out whats going on.....Then again....I do love the fact that as long as I am calm....Marty usually settles right down for me...and if he's sleepy he cuddles right in and goes to sleep. I love his gummy grins, and his squeals (that my mama, thought was hilarious to teach him...and as soon as he's able to understand the word no....or stop...we are getting rid of the high pitch squeals), and when he learns how to do something new....in the last week he has learned how to roll himself over from his belly to his back....reach out for a toy and push it around, and hold his bottle....we're still working on from his back to his belly....but he'll get there! He's also tolerating tummy time even more now that he's learned how to roll over and reach for toys!

That being said....I miss having a sex drive, I miss having time with my friends sans Marty (even though I have horrible separation anxiety), I miss wanting to put an effort into how I look....and I totally miss not being a size 18 which is almost impossible to find and looking for flattering jeans in the plus size section was horrible plus I wanted actual jeans....something that if Dan has to dump the bike, and Im with him will help protect my legs....not shred into a thousand pieces along with my skin. I miss feeling pretty. I dont want to just be Marty's Mama...though I love that title....I'm bored....I want to have more to talk about then my childs loose bowels, and how his diaper rash looks horrible.... I want to get out of the house.

I want to do something just for me....I feel like I give and I give and I give....and I'm drained. I don't feel like I have anything else to give....I don't even feel like I know who I am anymore besides Marty's Mama. I want Marty and my future kids to see me as more as their mother, as someone who has a life outside of taking care of them....My mom tried to that, but I think in the end she put us first so much she lost herself and now that we're both out of the house she doesnt know what to do....and I don't want that...I love my mom very much, and she did the best she could. But I dunno...I want more for myself, as selfish as that may sound....so I have more to talk about with my friends and husband than my child though he's very interesting...it does get old pretty fast...once the newness wears off....

b leh

2010-12-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

So Dan wants to go into the marines....I dont want him too....Im trying to be supportive....but him trying to lose weight is being put before our son and myself....and honestly...I wouldn't even care if it weren't for Marty....When Marty gets older what is he going to remember more and what is going to mean more to him....that his daddy went into the military so his family could have benefits...or that his daddy spent time with him...and was there for all the major events in his life? My dad worked hard....but he always made sure he made time for Shannon and I. I feel like Dan's not doing that for Marty....I feel like losing this weight and going into the marines is way more important to him than, spending time bonding with his son. I understand he wants to be able to provide better for Marty and I....but honestly....struggling to get by from week to week, is way better than not having him around at all.

Marty's Story - Baby Photo Book

2010-11-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

Marty's Story - Baby Photo Book

Check it out!!!

Alot has been going on....

2010-11-03T13:09:00.002-07:00

So alot has been going recently....

Martys 4 months old...

Things Marty can do...

* He smiles

* He "talks"

* He screams and then when you come running grins up a storm because you came to pay attention to him

* He "stands"

* He will lift his head off of the floor durin

g tummy time (still not a huge fan of the tummy time)

* He bats at toys

* He will reach for a grasp for toys when he wants too

* He "walks" when he so choose's to do so

* He is attempting to sit un-supported though it is quite cute when he topples over

Marty eating one of his favorite Foods....Squash!

I love his gummy grin!

Marty has started solids!

Some of his favorites are:

* Mashed Potatoes

* Apple Sauce

* blue berries

* Green beans

* Squash

Now we've tried rice cereal and we are not a fan....so the next grocery store run Ill be picking up oatmeal, and another type of cereal, we've also tried sweat potatoes, and though Marty likes them as of right now the do not like Marty.

Marty adores both set of grandparents, and hi

s uncle and aunts!

Marty was not a fan of Halloween...Though he was adorable as a giraffe he did not like being dressed up one bit!

Save Me Please!

Grandpa I dont like this anymore!!!!

Much Better, I think Ill settle down and watch some TV!

I am so blessed to be Marty's Momma! He's such an awesome baby!

In other news....I found out someone who use to be a friend of mine, is dating an ex of mine....I know a few of my readers are also friends with this person and your going to have your own feelings about this situation, but Im going to share my opinion and would appreciate it if I weren't judged nor caught any shit for it. I could give a damn less that my ex is moving on....good for him. I hope he's happy. But as for this woman, who he is dating, I'm not surprised that they ended up together....her reaction to my pregnancy and marriage definitely make more sense now, considering she was typically the kind waited for an explanation or confronted you if she had a problem....confront me she did...give me a chance to say my piece she did not. I vented about her reaction in a previous blog, I still think she was a bit unreasonable and some of the flack I caught for my venting (especially considering I was still coming to terms myself with the marriage and pregnancy, and I was extremely hormonal which was also stated as a forewarning, I think a little bit of leeway should have been given and understanding instead of being jumped on for not being the worlds greatest friend/girlfriend). That being said, I still can't believe that this woman, after watching the abuse I went through, would date him....it boggles my mind. Granted, I had a lot of issues I was dealing with, and yes...at the END of our relationship, I did cheat, after I figured out HE had to of been CHEATING. I'm not perfect, but that did not excuse his behavior towards me. That did not and still does not excuse, the verbal and emotional abuse he decided to dole out. Why she would think he would or will treat her any differently is beyond me. He has severe mommy issues. She will hurt him somehow, unintentionally, and that will trigger the abuse cycle to begin...oh and he'll apologize and say he loves her, and she'll fall for it. This woman, has lots of potential and deserves so much more than what she will get with him. Because at the end of our relationship he had been cheating for quite some time...and I was oblivious to it, and he will cheat on her and she will get hurt. Right now I'm struggling with how I think I'll react when he does hurt her. I know as a Christian, I am suppose to be there for her to lean on if she does reach out to me. But on the other side, this woman, has hurt me before, and I don't trust her. She made promises to me before, and she broke them. Just as I wasn't a good friend at times to her, she really wasn't a good friend to me when I need her the most. So I guess we'll see when the time comes what will happen.....

Dan and I are doing wonderfully though! His uncle is giving him and old '84 honda motorcycle! It is an awesome bike! My butt fits on it! I love it and cant wait for a nice day for dan and I to go for a ride!

Well that was one heck of a post....

Must try to make this a habit! Marty naps and Momma blogs!

Oct 1st,

2010-10-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

So this month for NaBloPo, the them is Play....so I think Im going to try to snap a picture everyday of Marty playing.....

But today I have a video of Marty Playing that I am going to try to share!

SO...

2010-09-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

I was pretty frustrated till I talked to my friend Kayhla and realized my husband isnt the only one in the world you have to nag to get things done...or doesnt see things that need to be done...or expects me to work, fix dinner, take care of the baby, and take care of the home....but wants my mom to watch the baby on his day off so he can sleep....oh and Im able to do most of that stuff while Im sick...the only one I didnt do was work because I was pretty miserable and having difficulty breathing the night before... I feel like Kay says it best:

its amzing how their minds work

i dont get it. they want you to be a 2010 working mom, but a 1950's housewife at the same time

just frustrated....because we've been going to this marriage seminar and I feel like all its done is given him permission not to help out unless he's asked to....its like he tuned out the part that said...hey you help out without being asked your more likely to get some....if you take some of the weight off your wife's shoulders, shes less drained and more likely to put out! Not a hard concept...especially if you wanna get lucky...Im more willing to put out if I dont have to nag you to do shit around the apt....seems pretty easy to get....but I guess its not...Ok maybe Im still pretty pissed....but I feel alittle better now...

Martys Birth Story....

2010-08-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

So Im going to attempt to write Martys birth story, which begins when I was 31 wks pregnant...

At 31 wks, I started bleeding, why, no one really knows....probably, stress and dehydration...so I was placed on bed rest for 5 days....the worst 5 days ever! If you have never been on bed rest, pray that you are not placed on bed rest....it sucks! after 5 days I hadnt dilated at all, and I was taken off of bed rest...but still on pelvic rest (which means none of the fun stuff...honestly wasnt that fun for me then anyway).

I was still in the dark about my baby shower @ 34 wks (note to any one throwing a baby shower...hold it earlier then that so the Momma to be does not feel like a complete cow and actually has time to wash and put stuff away), when my cousin in law spilled the beans, at the end of the week she would see me at my baby shower and she was so excited! So the night before my baby shower ( a friday) I was sick of being pregnant....like so sick of being pregnant, ( I was going to be released from it on monday, anyway) I broke my pelvic rest for McDonalds (I had been craving it, and with gestational diabetes, you shouldnt have it), the rest of the night I contracted nothing steady, they'd go from 4 min to 8 min to

6 min, to 20 min....so I drank lots of water....oh mind you when I say contractions think of the mildest menstrual cramps youve ever had and those were my contractions....so I could barely sleep the night before my baby shower, I woke up early and I think did stuff around the apt. and made brownies for the mother/daughter lunch that wa

s the cover for my baby shower ( seriously, it was supposedly an event at church, and it wasnt even announced during church...I was kind of on to it before said cousin in law spilled the beans, so I took a dessert to my own babyshower...nice right, 35 wks preggo, baking chocolate brownies that made me nauseated). So what I didnt tell Dan was I was having regular contractions every 15 min, I just thought it was the excitement I was feeling, and was going to make it to that baby shower come hell or high water....

So I go, and while contracting I sit for 2 hrs (maybe ev

en longer) opening presents....I mean, today was the first time I went to go get diapers, and even those were bought with a gift card....I didnt even know half the people there and was very overwhelmed (also another note, if you know the momma to be has anxiety, and the meds she is on level her out, but dont make her, herself...dont invite 60-70 some odd people to the baby shower, especially if she doesnt know most of the people....all the presents were great and greatly needed!...dont get me wrong...just if your going to have that many people there...make sure the momma isnt going to be 35 wks pregnant). So

that night I was beat....and overwhelmed by the mess in my living room....I wanted to start going through stuff cause I wasnt even sure of what I had....but I was soooo tired. So with lots of water, I put myself on bedrest for the rest of the night....

The next day was Fathers Day, I was still pretty tired....but managed to get my butt to church...and then went out to lunch with my parents....I was having contractions but not consistently....so that night we go out to my in laws for a fathers day cookout.....looking back now...Im pretty sure my water broke then...but it was just a trickle, and Id never been through it before...so how was I suppose to know....I thought

I had peed myself....and my contractions really werent different then....so we went home, and I wa

s alittle keyed up for some unknown reason....so I sat down on the floor ( so I didnt have to lean over when I created my piles of clothes, and stuff to return) and I start taking tags off of clothes so I can wash them, and I start making piles of stuff to return....around midnight, I get up and go to the bathroom, and I look at my underwear and its

wet, and it doesnt smell like pee...and its sticky....and Im pretty sure my water broke, so I tell dan Im getting a shower ( cause I figure its going to b

e the last relaxing one for awhile) and while in the shower I have a few contractions that felt harder then the other ones I had been having....so I get out of the shower and go and sit by dan in the dining/computer room....and I just sit there for a good 5 min....meanwhile Dans trying to get me to tell him whats wrong....and so finally I tell him, I think my water broke....and that was it....Dan was out of his chair and getting dressed very quickly....Thankfully after I was allowed off of bedrest I had the sense to pack each of us a bag, so I told Dan where that stuff was, and he grabbed it all, while I grabbed last minute stuff...on th

e way to the hospital Dan called triage to let them know we were on the way....I was lead back to the triage room, and they do the routine, questions, and tell me to change into a gown and pee in a cup.... finally around 1, I was seen and they tested the fluid, and it came back positive for amniotic fluid, and @ 2

am, I was admitted for the long haul....because it wasnt known whether or not I had group b strep I was placed on intravenous antibiotics (which sucked, and burned big time!) I was also given fluids, since I would be given pitocen to help speed up the contractions....and I was still on the fence about an epidural. So Dan and I hunk

ered down, and Dan actually got some sleep, whil

e I tried to nap, but it didnt work, with all the sounds, and being hungry, and nervous, sleep was the last thing I could do...so I watched tv.....

So around 6 or 7 am, Dan calls both sets of parents to let them know Ive been admitted, but not to come up yet cause it doesnt make sense to do so....

At around 10 am, I ask for an epidural...I was having difficulty talking through contractions, and by the wayhave I mentioned how much pitocen sucks! Dan tried to get me to hold his hand through contractions but I was really scared Id break his hand, I was gripping the arm rails that hard. I am told its going to be about an hr before the anesthesiologist will be able to come to my room....which sucked but I could do it....then 10 min later Marty's heart rate dropped, and out of no where theres a ton of nurses and drs telling me to do this and that, and before I know it Im being rolled to the OR. Scariest moment of my life....I was terrified, and no one was explaining what was going on to me just doing stuff to me....oh by the way, being given a catheter with pain medication totally sucks and hurts really bad ....finally one dr grabbed my hand and explained that I felt cold, and was shivering from the medication I was given to stop my contractions and if I relaxed and stopped fighting the shivers the shivers would stop....and he also explained why I was rolled into the OR and that Dan was outside the room waiting to come in....when the dr went to walk away, I clung to his hand because he was the only one to acknowledge me....finally Dan was allowed in, I dont remember what we said to each other, or anything I just remember being so glad that if I was going to have to have a csection, that he was going to be able to see our baby being born.

Finally they tell us his heart rate had returned to normal and that I would be going back to my room and getting my epidural sooner than I thought. Sitting upright with a catheter....hurts really bad...the epidural itself...was so awesome....I was able to sleep a bit...my parents came up, as did Dan's, and a few other family members. I did have to have the epidural backed off a bit because I hated not being able to move my legs myself....so Dan and I passed the time by sleeping (Dan by eating), watching tv, watching shows on my brother in laws laptop, and by chatting with people on facebook.

So I was at 3 cm, at that point, and was there for a long time, I think around 6 I was finally 4 centimeters.

Around 8pm, I start feeling window pain, and its unbearable, so I am checked and finally at 6 centimeters, I teared up so grateful to be making progress. So I am told, you could be at 6 centimeters for awhile or you could go quickly...well t

here was no way I was going to be suffering with window pain if I was going to be at 6 centimeters for a while. So the anesthesiologist, comes in, and I sit up...not as painful this time....and the catheter for the epidural is re-threaded, and Im given more medication...and then I lay back down....my nurse starts taking my vitals, and all of a sudden I feel like I need to poop, I tell her this and she asks if I need to push and I said "I dunno, I feel like if you put a bed pan under me and I pushed Id poop....so she got the dr in and in the 20 min-30 min it took for the epidural, I went to 10 while sitting up....So NICU made its way to the room, and Dans dad was there talking with them, and I was told to start pushing....really wasnt that bad.... of course I couldnt feel anything and couldnt move my legs on my own....3 pushes per

contraction 5 contractions later, Marty was born. Of course I dont cry how beautiful he is...I cry he has big hands and feet...and how he's going to be a football player....so Dan cut the cord, and Marty was whisked away to the isolet...

The first person to hold Marty (besides the dr) was my mom....which I wasnt too happy about...I hadnt even had a chance to hold him yet....but as soon as she found out, she brought him over to me...he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen!

Overall I was in the hospital for 4 days, labor and healing time....Marty stayed an extra day....which is a story for another day....I was heartbroken, and lost to say the least....but now hes a healthy, happy soon to be 3 month old!

July NaBloPoMo

2010-07-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, so I wasnt able to finish out June for NaBloPoMo for a very special reason...I gave birth to my son, Martin Henry Artes....on June 21, 2010 @ 8:47 pm. he was 5lbs 12 oz and 19 1/4 inches long.

Marty's first night home

Another time Ill actually sit down and write out his birth story...its not like Im bound to forget it lol.

So todays writing prompt is....What's your favorite movie?

My favorite movie is Sleeping Beauty...I know it sounds childish....but I use to throw temper tantrums over this movie when I was 2 yrs old....I dunno...I could watch it over and over again :-)

NaBloPo Day 9

2010-06-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

I still have 10 min to answer this lol

Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Japanese lore suggests that if you fold 1,000 paper cranes, your wish will come true. What would your wish be, and what would you be willing to do 1,000 times to get it?

Im not sure...what I would wish for....how about that my husbands lawsuit would work out in our favor.....and I would wash dishes 1,000 times by hand...( I hate doing dishes by hand btw)

NaBloPo Day 8

2010-06-08T06:52:00.000-07:00

You've just been given a million dollars. You are not allowed to keep it or give it to anyone you know personally. What do you do with it and why?

I would give it to several charities....part would go to the breast cancer foundation, because I know many survivors of this disease, and I know many people who have passed away because of it....

I would also give some to the Autism Speaks Foundation, because I know several people with autism and more people need to be educated about this disability.

I would also give some to Teach for America....because I am a teacher, and there are many good people who go through this program and help America's inner city youth.

NaBloPo Day 7

2010-06-07T12:33:00.000-07:00

Monday, June 7, 2010
Do you owe an apology to anyone? Why?

I owe my little sister an apology because I posted on facebook about my grandmother before anyone had a chance to call her in Africa...and it was very thoughtless for me to post it....

NaBloPo Day 6

2010-06-06T12:42:00.001-07:00

So theres not a prompt for today so another update....Marty's room is cleaned up and in the process I found Dan's chaps, so when he rides he can protect his legs now.....so now I need to type up the club minutes....clean out the fridge, do dishes, and tackle the living room closet....and somewhere in there I need to study....so we shall see how this all goes!

NaBloPo Day 5

2010-06-05T10:29:00.000-07:00

Well theres not a writing prompt for today...so I guess Ill give a run down of whats been going on....

Since off of bed rest I have been cleaning like crazy....nesting as some would call it....the apartment can not be clean enough....I finally got our room in order and next is Marty's room....then back to tackle the living room and get it looking decent once more....Dan has been wonderful even if Ive been moodier then usual....I just get frustrated so easily...because I want it all done now! I do work in short bursts of 15 min, then rest for 15 min...and slow and steady will win the race....but its annoying when it takes 3 days to completely clean one room...and that doesn't even include vacuuming...so right now Dans doing dishes and Im about to tackle Baby Marty's room!

NaBloPo Day 4

2010-06-04T10:17:00.001-07:00

Friday, June 4, 2010
What's the first thing that pops into your mind when you think of your father?

The first thing that pops into my mind is softball....I know it sounds silly but it is....when I was very little on Sunday's my daddy played on the Highland Town Post Office Softball team...and occasionally my mom would take us to watch him play and to play with the other kids....Also softball is how my dad and I bonded as I got older.....he would practice catching and throwing with me and as I got good at that we switched to batting practice at the Stansbury batting cages.....he always encouraged me and would talk with me about what went well in the game and what I needed to work on....it was def. our time together.....

NaBloPoMo Day 3

2010-06-03T12:41:00.000-07:00

Thursday, June 3, 2010
Define "freedom."

Freedom....thats a loaded statement....but for me it means to live in a country where not everyone has the same opinion and that is alright. It also means with in the law that I am able to do pretty much what I please.

NaBloPo Day 2

2010-06-02T07:43:00.000-07:00

Writing Prompt for Wednesday, June 2, 2010

What's your favorite poem? (And if you don't have one, why?)

A Boy Named Sue by Shel Silverstein

Well, my daddy left home when I was three,
and he didn't leave much to Ma and me,
just this old guitar and a bottle of booze.
Now I don't blame him because he run and hid,
but the meanest thing that he ever did was
before he left he went and named me Sue.

Well, he must have thought it was quite a joke,
and it got lots of laughs from a lot of folks,
it seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
and some guy would laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell you, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue.

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean.
My fist got hard and my wits got keen.
Roamed from town to town to hide my shame,
but I made me a vow to the moon and the stars,
I'd search the honky tonks and bars and kill
that man that gave me that awful name.

But it was Gatlinburg in mid July and I had
just hit town and my throat was dry.
I'd thought i'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon in a street of mud
and at a table dealing stud sat the dirty,
mangy dog that named me Sue.

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
from a worn-out picture that my mother had
and I knew the scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old
and I looked at him and my blood ran cold,
and I said, "My name is Sue. How do you do?
Now you're gonna die." Yeah, that's what I told him.

Well, I hit him right between the eyes and he went down
but to my surprise he came up with a knife
and cut off a piece of my ear. But I busted a chair
right across his teeth. And we crashed through
the wall and into the street kicking and a-gouging
in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell you I've fought tougher men but I really can't remember when.
He kicked like a mule and bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laughin' and then I heard him cussin',
he went for his gun and I pulled mine first.
He stood there looking at me and I saw him smile.

And he said, "Son, this world is rough and if
a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
and I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along.
So I gave you that name and I said 'Goodbye'.
I knew you'd have to get tough or die. And it's
that name that helped to make you strong."

Yeah, he said, "Now you have just fought one
helluva fight, and I know you hate me and you've
got the right to kill me now and I wouldn't blame you
if you do. But you ought to thank me
before I die for the gravel in your guts and the spit
in your eye because I'm the nut that named you Sue."
Yeah, what could I do? What could I do?

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun,
called him pa and he called me a son,
and I came away with a different point of view
and I think about him now and then.
Every time I tried, every time I win and if I
ever have a son I think I am gonna name him
Bill or George - anything but Sue.

Well I am just a fan of Shel Silverstein in general because his poems are easy and fun to teach in the class room....but this one is a favorite because Johnny Cash actually sang it and until today I was not aware that Shel Silverstein had wrote it. I looked it up in several places just to be sure.

In other news, I am slowly regaining my strength. Today I have already made the bed and cleaned up the bathroom, and gotten dressed! So now I must tackle the dishes....then I think my and Dans bedroom, then Marty's room....I promise to take plenty of breaks! I just gotta get some stuff done while I'm allowed!

NaBloPoMo Day 1

2010-06-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

Im going to try Posting everyday for a month again....This months Topic is NOW....but they're giving writing prompts which is helpful too!!!

Writing Prompt for Tuesday, June 1, 2010

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was little I wanted to be a lot of things....The main thing I wanted to be was a nurse because I had been very sick as a baby and had heard wonderful stories about my nurses...I quickly found out I did not have a head for numbers or science....I then wanted to be a Naval Aviator and Fly F-22's because I had watched Top Gun one too many times but soon found out that would not be a possibility because I am near sighted and need glasses to see distances.....I then wanted to be a Marine Biologist,so I could train Dolphins or Orca Whales, again...science and math are not my friends.....Eventually I decided that being a teacher is what I was suppose to be....I interact well with children...even better then I do adults....and I enjoy teaching others!

an explanation of everything....

2010-05-29T14:46:00.001-07:00

So for the bed rest...Marty tried to make an appearance early on Thursday.....I started to bleed...went by ambulance to Franklin Square Womens Pavilion, evidently I was having contractions....which I didn't feel until the bleeding had started...but his heart rate was good and he was very active through out the whole ordeal....they aren't entirely sure what started the bleeding or contractions....and it could have been any number of things....dehydration, stress, or I could have been contracting and not feeling it and the bleeding was caused by that...so Im on bed rest till at the very least Tuesday...and as long as nothing has changed Im allowed to go on short trips out...or to someone else's house for a change of scenery....but no working or long walks....so we shall see...the spotting I have had since Thursday has all been dark brown which is indicative of dried blood...so no worries there...and Ive had very little cramping since as well...I do have gestational diabetes...which is being controlled by my diet....and I started an antidepressant which has been a huge help! I'm still up set with my sister....I love her very much...but after all the crap she put me through and how much she had been saying shes sad she wont be here for Marty's birth, then for her to not be coming back till March 2012 is a little insane...Maybe Im being selfish but its ridiculous....oh well gotta go cya!

I also forgot to add

2010-05-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

for now Im on bedrest...and Ive been put on 25mg of zoloft which has been a huge help so far!

alittle ticked

2010-05-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

So when my sis first found out I was preggo, she got really mad because she wouldnt be present for the birth of Marty cause she would be in Africa....made a huge stink over it...and left my wedding early to go work out too...Now shes staying in Africa for another year.... originally he would have been around 6 months old by the time she got to meet him...now he'll be over a year and half old....its crap...and it really pisses me off that she put me through that much stress and guilt before she left, when now shes going to stay....knowing that our grandparents health is deteriorating, knowing that shes going to miss out on even more of her nephews life...I feel like her behavior is selfish...and maybe Im being hormonal but its bullshit. Plus knowing Im on bedrest probably not the best time to tell me conisdering Im suppose to be limiting stress....god this sucks Im not even tired....because Im so annoyed....

Annoyed....

2010-05-10T07:18:00.001-07:00

SO yesterday was Mothers Day...which was nice....spent the day with my family....then we went to Dans parents house and spent time with his mom....while there though, Dans mom asked me to look at a project of Racheals that she is to turn into tomorrow (its from her teacher education courses in high school)....mind you its already 2 weeks late....so she brings up what she says is her project...well I had no clue of what I was looking at so I asked for the directions, so she goes and gets the directions....on the directions it says to use the same that the teacher gave them to guide their work, ....well on the paper she handed me and said was her project looked very professional, almost like something I would have found in a curriculum guide when I was student teaching or long term subbing...but she's a smart girl, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I did ask were the sample was that she was to follow and she said that the teacher showed it to them in class, STRIKE ONE, teachers especially those teaching teacher ed classes ALWAYS give a copy of the sample theyve shown, or is very similar to what they expect,...also, there was actual hand writing on top of the typing...which for a final copy seemed alittle strange but ok sometimes it happens, and sometimes teachers arent as strict as they should be...so I asked her, if the paper she gave me and said was her work, if it was the sample the teacher gave them and she said no, so I asked why does it say MLA format at the very top in hand writting...her response" we have to tell the teacher what format we use" seemed odd that she would hand write that in but ok I let it go...I asked her about the other hand written stuff and she said we had to label the types of questions we asked....so I told her ok well if I were you I would go back into where you saved this project and type all of this is...I know your only getting partial credit but itll get you all of the points you can get if its all typed....so she took her papers, and went back down the basement....I looked at dans mom and said I dont think that was her work, it really looks like something I would have found in a curriculum guide, or had spent at least a week maybe more working on...it could get knocked out in a few hrs but its not going to look that good....( I know, Ive made activites for students last minute, never looks as good as what comes out of the curriculum guide, plus these were high order thinking questions, which most teenagers wouldnt think to put in work (not saying shes dumb shes very smart, but my classmates even while graduating struggled with higher order thinking questions)). So Dans mom calls Racheal up stairs and asks for her computer, Racheal claims she has to use the bathroom and her laptop is down stairs, well then she hops in the bath while in the shower. So we go down the basement...its not there...and I start looking at the requirements for this project more closely...well its mandatory MLA format (which is silly because towsons ed program and they are affiliated with Towson, requires APA but whatever), Strike TWO! Then I looked at where certain things were italicized, that most teenagers, or rushed college students wouldn't italicize, it would all be the same font size everything, but its possible shes that good. Then I looked at the staple on the project....Ive made enough copies to know what a stapler does and what a stapled copy from a copier machine looks like...plus there were hole punched holes in the paper...and I looked at Dans mom and said she didnt do this, Im about 99% sure this is the sample her class was given. STRIKE THREE! By this time Rachel is calling for Dans mom and is in tears....her laptop had shutdown and her work is gone....while in the bath she was trying to hurry up and do some of her work, so she wouldn't get into trouble...by the end of all of the drama, she hadnt done any of the work....which I had kind of figured out when she locked herself in the bathroom, but whatever. Last night I was pretty pissed that she had out right lied to me about that work, now Im annoyed. Did she really think I wouldnt figure out it wasnt her work? That it was worded way to well, and that she had claimed to work on it that day, when her mom said that she hadnt worked on it very long. Did she think that we wouldnt notice the hand writing, which looked more like someone had taken notes on it then a final copy....She tried saying that she was confused by the project, and that it had nothing to do with education anyway....when it had EVERYTHING to do with education, and the beginning of learning how to lesson plan, The directions were VERY self explanatory....she just didnt want to do the work....evidently this lying thing about school work has been going on for awhile and we're all baffled....I think it might be a guy distracting her, my behavior though not as extreme was very similar, Dan thinks possibly drugs or alcohol....so who knows....tonight though Im going over to help her with this project....Im praying she does not give me too much trouble...because I have no patience for that bs, and Ill get in her face if I need too.

Today

2010-05-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

for whatever reason was a rough day....the further I get along in my pregnancy the harder my depression and anxiety hits....like to the point where I'm considering going on a medication safe for pregnancy but which may not necessarily fully work, just so I feel kind of like my self. I told Dan today, I would take the morning sickness and any other horrible ailments that could come with pregnancy ( and I have not had), if I could just feel like myself the rest of the time....and not feel down, and disconnected. An outsider would probably look at me and say what does she have to be depressed about she's had an easy pregnancy....but I am depressed and anxious...two things that occur with me when not pregnant....and the hormones just add to it and make it worse....but I am very grateful for my husband who does what he can to take care of me and to cheer me up when he can....

So...

2010-05-02T15:06:00.000-07:00

I love WIC....and for this pay period, it saved our butts....where I usually spend around $120.00 I only spent $76, because of the wic checks...granted its a bit of pain....but its worth it...thats all...tired, hot, cranky, the usual third trimester stuff lol....Dan and I start child birth classes this tuesday, then on saturday we have a child care and safety class...should be interesting!

PS....my tooties are swollen again...this heat kills my feet....

Slice Of Mercy Ship Life - Shannon Hickey

2010-04-29T12:30:00.000-07:00

This is a video of my little sister talking about life on the Mercy Ship....WATCH IT!

my pregnancy ticker....

2010-04-28T08:13:00.001-07:00

for this week says, "If someone asks my mommy "how are you feeling?" one more time, she's going to drop kick them to New Jersey." and honestly...there are some days I feel like doing so....especially the ones who have been pregnant before ( Dawn and Val this is by no means directed at you ladies!)....I mean come on, think back, how were you feeling at 7 months pregnant....tired, and huge, probably....flipping out possibly because your baby furniture wasnt put up yet, and just overall done with being pregnant....Im still trying to figure out why god had to make pregnancy 9 months long...its just not right..Id rather have the gestational period of a hamster or a mouse....I, on top of normal pregnancy feelings, struggle with depression....my apartment is proof of that...its disgusting....I hate it and I hate having no motivation to do anything about it.

Now that I am done with that rant lol....

Dan and I got a new bed....and it came in yesterday, and Dan put it together last night....oh man...it was the best sleep Ive had in a very long time....I didnt wake up at all....like when I woke up my bladder hurt...ok ok tmi I know....but it was wonderful! Dan wasnt pressed up against the wall when I woke up, and I didnt feel like I was falling out of bed....just fantastic over all :-)Neither Dan or I wanted to get out of bed this morning...

ok well thats all thats new....hopefully soon there will be a new belly pic!

Today....

2010-04-19T14:17:00.000-07:00

I got great news.....I should be able to go back on my medication while breastfeeding!!! I found this out when I went in for my WIC interview today....I am so excited! I also lost 2lbs since eating 5 times a day! :-D Wednesday I go for my wellness program evaluation, and will be able to work out with Dan when he goes now! YAY! Im super exicted for all that is going on :-)

frustrated....

2010-04-12T14:11:00.000-07:00

with my weight....I know Im pregnant I shouldnt worry about my weight but I gained 13 lbs in a month...thats alittle insane...and thats with being more active...but inspite of that weight gain jump I had to push to be sent for a glucose test....I find that to be a little rediculous...I understand my numbers were good for the last one but that was 3 months ago...and Im feeling really fatiguted, and I dont want to wait until something shows up in my urine to be sent for a glucose test, I want to find out early and do something about it....in the mean time, I need to eat more fruits and veggies...and cut down on the bread....so here it goes

Feeling unsure....

2010-04-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

So my depression is getting the best of me....it def gets worse with the less sleep I get....and Im worried. I want to breastfeed....but I cant if Im on my medication....and Im scared not to go back on my medication after I have Marty....even with a lack of sleep, on my medication I deal with things much better....so I dont know....I wish there was a medication that would work for me that is safe for me to be on while pregnant, and then safe for me to use while breastfeeding....I know in the end in order to take care of Marty, I have to take care of myself....Im just so torn.....

Exhausted....

2010-04-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

Im so tired...Dans work schedule has been crazy weird lately and he's been opening more then either of us are use to. I think Ive begun having braxton hicks contractions cause Ill get uncomfortable and my stomach will get tight but it doesnt hurt and it goes away after alittle while...so here is my latest Pregnancy picture....

24 wks

We had a 3 day heat wave...hence the shorts!

So when I look at a picture Im not as big as I think I am....but I already feel huge...

10 things you may or may not know or may nto want to know about me....

2010-03-14T15:42:00.001-07:00

Im stealing this from Dawnie! Though my life is no where near as interesting as hers has been....

10. As an infant I turned 2 months old in the hospital, I had bacterial spinal menagitis. To drs and my family, I am a mircale child, because for being so little I should not have survived. My parents were and still are realitively over protective of me because of this....and until recently I did not understand why. After I healed from that, I havent had an IV in me until this past recent hosptial visit.

9. During my senior year of high school I was a cheerleader for the winter season. Which was always ironic to me and my family because I always made fun of cheerleaders....needless to say...when college is on the line youll try just about anything to get the scholarships. I also played on the badmittion team....my best friend at the time and I were actually pretty good.

8. I like to cross-stitch, especially when Im feeling anxious because it gives my mind something to focus on other than the fact I cant seem to calm down.

7. I can cook, I dont always like or want to though. My husband recently said he married me under false pretenses because I always claimed that I couldnt....well, to be honest I never realised I could until I started....and for the most part most of what I make turns out pretty good...even though I only know a few easy recipes...

6. Ive struggled with my weight and self esteem for most of my life. In high school, I was probably boardline anorxic, I would only eat dinner because we ate as a family and my parents would realise something was up if I didnt eat. I thought I was fat and over weight for my height and age at the time, though looking back on those pictures I wish I could go back to being that tiny again. Once this little guy makes his appearance I am going to bust my butt ti get back into shape...this time without starving myself. As far as my selfesteem goes, I put on a pretty good front for my friends, but as I look back I realised had I had the high self esteem I thought I had, or wanted my friends and family to think I had I never would have stayed with the asshole for as long as I did...My husband has helped and still works to help me see my self worth.

5. Speaking of the asshole, another reason why I stayed with him for as long as I did was because I felt I had no where to go. The month before he kicked me out, I finally started putting together a plan to get out of that unhealthly relationship, with the help of my husband. I realise now all I had to do was to go back to my parents and apologize....but I did not see that then.

4. I have a hard time trusting people and my instincts. Alot of this stems from friend choices Ive made, and instead of standing up for myself Ive allowed them to walk all over me. Recently Ive begun to trust myself again, and to stand up for myself. I know I may not always be the best friend a person could have, but I usually do my best and if I feel Ive been slighted, I try to talk it out with the person first.

3. My best friend and I did not start out on the best of terms, lol. When Aimee and I met it was like mixing oil and water. After having the same guy break our hearts at seperate times, I got over myself and apologised for being a bitch towards her, and we hit off...whats funny is our friend Kayhla also dated this same guy and now the 3 of us girls are all very close friends.

2. My best friend from childhood, Jen, and I lost contact with each our jr year of high school, mainly because I ratted her out to her parents that she was dating a guy that she had been forbidden to date, in an effort to distract my parents from punishing me for a seperate offense(which didnt work)...Our freshman year of college I wrote her a letter apologizing for that, and we began working on becoming friends again.

1. Alcoholism runs on my fathers side of the family. For this reason and this reason alone, I am very careful about my alcohol consumption, though on occassion I drink alittle too much, I generally just want to be left alone so I can sleep. My father, though I dont believe he was an alcoholic, when I was little he was an angry drinker. The last time he's every hit me, I was 12 and he left a bruise on my leg....he's never hit me since, and my mom took me and my sister and left overnight and went to a hotel. When we came back he seemed to snap out of it, and did not drink for a very long time.

and thats 10 things about me.....though I had struggle with stuff you may not have known about me lol.....

Been Crazy the last few days......

2010-03-07T18:33:00.000-08:00

So friday we found out that we will be having a boy....Martin Henry! He didnt want to stay still or move into the right spot for a good shot so heres the best of what we got!

I love how you can see his little belly!!!! :-D

No denying it we're having a boy!!!!

Saturday, we had the bike club over I cleaned the apartment from 8am till 1:30 pm....I take some breaks thats why it took so long......then we went ice skating with the club for our club brothers foster daughters birthday....Well dan ice skated I sat and laughed at them....about an 1hr into it I started feeling really sick.....came home, had diahrea.....went to sleep, woke up threw up, got diahrea again, then my stomach starting cramping and hurting, drank some water threw it up, got diahrea again....so because of the pain and not being able to keep fluids down Dan took me to the ER 2:30 in the morning.....I didnt get seen till 4:30am, they hooked me up to an IV and gave me fluids and zofran.....just as they were about to release me, my stomach starting hurting again, so they gave me what I thought was more zofran.....nope Reglan.....which Im allergic to evidently, and it caused me to have the mother of all anxiety attacks....I freaked out! I pulled the pressure cuff, and pulse ox thing off....and I was begging them to take my IV out and let me go home.....evidently I was screaming, kicking, and hit Dan pretty hard when he was trying to keep me in my bed, finally they gave me benadryll and once that kicked in I was pretty exhausted and apologetic.....I gave Dan quite a scare though.....to be honest, I remember bits and pieces of what happened....but I dont remember hitting Dan, he said I slugged him pretty hard....that I hit as hard as a man at that point in time. My arm where the iv was is pretty sore though :-(.....Dan called my parents and they came up...as did his mom.....I was given 3 more bags of fluids before being released.....and now im home...my chest hurts, my arm hurts, so we'll see how I feel tomorrow....so far ive kept rice down, and crackers....and im hoping this bake potato i just ate stays put....

R.I.P. Shelli

2010-02-23T19:53:00.000-08:00

So...My friend Mike's wife passed away last night.....the details are fuzzy with what happened....her father said that it looks like she choked, but its not known for sure....

Its not fair....She would have turned 26 today....her and Mike were trying to have a baby...and I have idiot friends saying that they think she committed sucide because of her Fibromyalgia....I didnt know Shelli very well but what I do know of her, is that she was not the type of person to be so selfish as to do such a thing....She wouldnt do that to Mike.

My heart breaks for him.....I cant imagine, loosing my bestfriend, my husband....Im actually angry that anyone would suggest she killed herself.....

Ive been struggling with it all day....like to the point, where my depression is acting up.....
I dunno....its been crazy....

Also I just had a panic attack over the fear my husband could possible not come home tonight like Shelli :-*(

18 wks and 2 days belly shot...

2010-02-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

So here is the awaited Belly Picture!

18 wks and 2 days

So March 5th....we find out if it is a boy or a girl....I can not wait! :-D

18 wks....

2010-02-19T14:32:00.000-08:00

I went for my ob appt. today.....baby's heart beat is strong at 152.....he or she was hiding on my left side....which to me made sense since Ive been feeling him or her moving around on that side....I gained 2 lbs, making it 198 lbs...so Im right on target....though once this baby is here I am doing everything I can to get the weight off! We go on March 5th for our level two sonogram and then we get to find out if we need pink or blue!!!! YAY! Ill be getting the hubby to take another picture of my ever growing belly soon. I try to make sure he takes my picture about every 2 wks that way I can see a difference....alright still lots to do....have friends coming over, and the apt. is a wreck!

Just a note....

2010-02-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

To tell everyone...Ive gone 4 days without my meds....needless to say Im discovering I like me better on meds then off of meds.....almost got outta the car to beat up some chick who got mouthy with dan because she had a four wheel drive suv and was afraid to drive it in the snow....no that is not a typo SHE has four wheel drive and was a scardy cat to drive in a little snow bank....Dan somehow kept me in the car.....cause even though Im preggo I totally would have taken her on and laid her out....

About to be....

2010-02-09T11:21:00.001-08:00

Snowed in again....and I have a ton to do around here...and all I wanna do is sleep....blah....

16 wks and 2 days

In other news I am 16 weeks and 3 days pregnant.....unbelievable right? I feel like a cow already.... I feel like this is what I would want to look like at 40 wks not 16.....oh well....today I actually felt bumps from the baby....I think either he or she is not thrilled that their Aunt Shannon is leaving the states for 13 months today....or really loved the trail mix grandpa sent over for mommy..... off to find some energy....

I feel like....

2010-02-08T05:30:00.000-08:00

There is something wrong with me.....I went from having a very high sex drive....to being pregnant and not having a sex drive at all....and it sucks, I feel like a sucky wife... this isnt what Dan signed up for(my words not his....I promise!)...and I have absolutly no clue how to fix it....besides ride out the next few months and hope it returns after the baby is born.....

Getting.....

2010-02-05T14:59:00.001-08:00

Snowed in....not happy about it! But Dan will get outta work early tonight....and has off tomorrow...we have a stocked kitchen....and a messy apartment....hopefully we can use this time to get organized for my sanity!!!! LOL

Wordless Wednesday....with some words lol

2010-02-03T16:51:00.000-08:00

SO we are finally moved in and have internet!!!! Slowly getting settled and my family had been amazing and well as Dan's! So Dawnie posted a picture of her daughter which reminded me of her son when he was just a little guy! Both her kids have a thing for boobs! (sorry dawn! :-) )

He looks so surprised! LOL

KKK Im gonna go curl up in a chair watch some tv and wait for dan to come home!

Moving Moving Moving

2010-01-31T15:51:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow!!! So my blogging friends at the very least I will not be on here until Wednesday, when we get comcast internet and the most basic cable around! Currently packing.....well I was anyway...need to keep working on stuff....maybe find some food....hopefully itll stay down this time! Oh Dan and I have been married for a month now!!!! :-D

Im bored

2010-01-26T18:44:00.000-08:00

Im bored...so I figured Id blog....

14 wks and 1 day

I am now 14 weeks and 2 days along in this pregnancy....Occasionally....Ill feel bubbles or flutters...usually on days when im not thrilled about being pregnant and it makes me feel special that my little one knows when momma's spirits need to be lifted and reminded about what an important task Ive undertaken....

In other news....Dan and I move into our apartment in 5 days! I cannot wait! I know we are forever indebted to the Wiggins who have been so kind to open up their house to us while in this in between stage....But Im ready to be able to spread out....and be close to my friends and family once again!

Once we get settled into our new place....Im having a girls evening at the apartment, so my friends with kids, and who are preggo can all come out and not worry about babysitters or being out too late and getting tired...thought right now its looking like it may be a girls afternoon on a sunday.....

Awesome Awesome News!

2010-01-19T08:30:00.001-08:00

So We found out today that we got the apartment we were looking at!!!! YAY!!!
We move in on Feb. 1!!!!!!
Yesterday I had my first offical ob appt. which the internal exam sucked big time! But we heard the babys heart beat for the first time and it was surreal...i almost asked if she was sure that was the babys heartbeat lol, Baby Artes has a strong heart beat though!

I go back Feb. 19th for my next appt!

SO thats all for now!

YAY!

2010-01-09T12:41:00.000-08:00

Dan and I got our first Sonogram done yesterday! Little one didnt want to hold still to have its picture taken! But out of them all here is the best!

We were able to see the heart beat too! that was the coolest ever! to see its little heart working already!!!

We also got to see the the blood flow, I think that was to see the connection of umblical cord, which was pretty cool.

My little sister left yesterday to go to Texas for the 6 weeks, and after that she will go to West Africa with Mercy Ships. She was very grateful for the sonogram picture we gave her.

Dan and I also looked at an apartment yesterday, alittle out of our price range that we were considering but it was very nice! Monday we are going to look at another complex that is more within our reach we think.

2009

2010-01-05T18:51:00.001-08:00

Was a rediculously crazy year! I moved out/was kicked out of Bobbys house, started dating Dan, graduated college, became a godmother, dan survived a major motocycle accident, got engaged, started subbing, passed one part of praxis II, got pregnant, and got married! A lot of major things happened all in a year!

ok...being preggo makes you very tired so no more writing for now lol

Frustrated

2009-12-28T19:20:00.000-08:00

All I wanted was a simple wedding....am I getting that....nope! I got harassed into wearing a dress, and my little sister, decides she's going to do whatever she wants and tells dan's mom to go ahead and make flowers for me....even after I had said....I dont want flowers! Im not mad at Dan's mom....I beyond pissed at my sister. If they cant respect my wishes now....what is going to happen when the baby is here! Ive decided my sister will get supervised visits with my sister only. She will not babysit, she will not be left alone with my child for a moment, she will get to sit across the room and look at her niece or nephew but not interact with him or her at all.....because I obviously can not trust her to respect my wishes on something that isnt life altering how can I expect her to respect my wishes with my child. Im going to find something to snack on and kick my sister out of the living room so I can sleep. 1 more day of living here, and im home free!

I am beyond....

2009-12-25T18:37:00.000-08:00

annoyed, pissed, you name it anger wise Im there....my father pretty much told me Im a fuck up and a failure, and my sister has every right to point it out every chance she gets....GREAT! F'ing GREAT! I know I screwed up and now dan and I are making the best of it....

As for not telling people about being preggo...or moving up the wedding date....forgive me....theres a shit load of crap going on and the ones who I talk to the most and have texted with recently have been the ones to find out first....Im sorry if anyones feelings got hurt I wasnt trying to slight anyone. But there is only so much I can do as one person, I try my best to stay in contact with everyone. Sometimes a wrong phone number gets used, sometimes I get tired of making an effort and being shut down or ignored, no matter how busy I am I try to reply to texts or emails. Im sorry if I expect the same and when it doesnt happen, and I try again and again I give up after awhile. Relationships change, and you stay in closer contact with some then you do others. That is life!

Need to....

2009-12-22T14:31:00.000-08:00

Bitch.....Hormones are in full swing so here it goes....

I forgot to tell one of my friends Im preggo....and getting married....this is a friend I barely talk to anymore....and someone who always has sided with Bobby on everything.....

and her feelings are hurt! Im sorry maybe its just the hormones, but I mean really....I hardly talk to you anymore. The only time i talk to you is on facebook.....I found out who you were dating through facebook....and dont get me wrong Im happy for you, but it is insane that you would believe my lying, cheating ex over someone you claim to be your best friend.... so yes, I guess we really are just facebook/myspace friends....

In other news....parents took the whole preggo thing better then to be expected but not as well as Dans parents did....and yes we're getting married before my sister leaves for 13 months. So sorry blogging world life has been hectic, and ive been exhausted and sick....sinus infections while preggo sucks big time!

Ok Im gonna lay down for alittle while....just had to get that out!

So ya know...

2009-12-13T22:02:00.001-08:00

That test I referred too that we were hoping it came back negative....well we did the test tonight and it was positive....

Dan though saying he is excited is probably scared shitless.....

and I am terrified.......

Did it twice and both came back positive well before the 3 min. time limit......

Oh and if your friends with me on facebook or myspace and your reading this please do not post anything on either of those sites just yet..... we're waiting till after the holiday's to officially break the news...

Dan and I are actually more scared to tell my parents, then to be in the position we're in. Def. need to set up a drs. appt. just to be sure though and to get started on care.....goodbye caffinee....and chocolate and every other yummy thing that comes out for the holiday's.....need to check if I can be weened off my happy meds or if I have to quit cold turkey.....

So much to think about, so much to do.....Im still in shock....though I keep telling myself...hey at least you got through college first, and at least your engaged....that's more then what most people from Dundalk can say.....though I know my parents will not feel the same way....

how do we tell them? how would you want to know?

Even just within the few hours of knowing, I know I already love this little being.....

I just dont want to screw up......

I got

2009-12-13T15:35:00.000-08:00

part of my results for Praxis II the multiple choice section I passed still waiting to hear about the written part!

Hello blogging world

2009-12-13T08:28:00.000-08:00

I am still alive.....I just have been uber busy.....~~babysitting~~.....long term subbing in a high school family studies class.....lets just say if I could handle them I can handle just about anything!

Sometime this week I get my scores for Praxis II lets pray I pass.....

Theres another test I may need to take....but we're hoping that one comes back with a negative score on it.

and thats about it for now.....Im tired as crap....oh long term subbing for high school is over for now....hopefully Ill get another long term postition in an elementary school! Alrighty....I must go now. Cya!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

2009-11-26T16:02:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to put that out in the blogging world! Also.....I total sneak attacked a students Ipod yesterday! It was super cool! Ill explain...lata!

Cassie

Yeah yeah I know I totally suck at...

2009-11-20T22:15:00.000-08:00

blogging everyday! So New news, I am now the newest long term substitute at Dundalk High School. For a Family Studies teacher....so its interesting to say the least. The first day went by in a blur but went well. Friday was another story. My First class is Decisions in Family Living....so far not to bad, and its a good group of kids. My second and third classes are both food and nutrition classes....yeah, Ms. I love fast food and funk food, and cant cook to save her life... is teaching Foods and Nutrition....what is up with that? Anyway, these kids range from pleasent to down right iggnorant...and with my temper and relfexive nature to snap back I am in for one heck of a ride so please, Please, PLEASE pray for me with these two classes! My last class is Intro to Human Services. The last two days we have been learning about HIV and AIDS, Here is how our conversation went for about 5 minutes:

Student A: Ms. Hickey, theres this woman and she's 6months pregnat, can you hit
the baby in the head with your thing and could it cause brain damage?

Me: Um, Thats really not an appriopriate question to be asking right now.

Student B: Yes, you can hit the baby in the head and it can cause brain damage.

Student A: Why not we're talking about how HIV and AIDS are spread and we
started talking about sex.

Department head: Yes you can touch the baby while having intercourse, most women
find it uncomfortable during the later months of their pregnacy, and we
are not discussing this any furthur at this time, if you are interested in
this you can take a child development course or ask your parents
any questions you may have.

Needless to say I was very grateful to my department head for saving me from anymore embarrassment. All I could do was laugh at the question and the girl that answered him in sincerity....*Sighs* No wonder there are so many unplanned pregnanceies at this high school....these kids probably think if you have sex in weird postions or in the water you dont need to use protection!

2009-11-16T11:20:00.001-08:00

I such a screw up...i feel like nothing i do is right and that sometimes i should just stay in bed.

NaBloMo Day 9

2009-11-15T21:31:00.000-08:00

So I know Ive been a bad blogger....so much has gone on....I studied my butt off for Praxis II and in a month I should get my scores....Im not sure if I passed....which from what I understand if you walk out of the room feeling like you failed it is a good sign because more than likely you passed....so we will see.....I hope I did so I can apply and get my certification to teach in the state of md.

I also had a massive fight with my sister and parents today....ugh....if your not home how the hell can I ask who the cookies are for....yes my mom yelled at me for eating a few cookies meant for my grandparents....then my sister flipped out on me for being on the house computer because she had a paper to write for class...when she has her on damn laptop...her excuse...she doesnt have a printer....um...email anyone? or ever heard of a flash drive? Ive done both when Ive been in a pinch....

well Im still exhausted....so I think its time for bed....night ya'll!

NaBloMo Day 8

2009-11-12T20:46:00.000-08:00

So No one ever told me....that tattoos itched this much....oh my! I wanna scratch my back off right now and its just the outline lord knows what the color will feel like! I can not wait to be able to scratch my lower back again!

NaBloMo Day 7...Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-11T14:24:00.000-08:00

Me and Rachel over the summer....def had a few to many! Love this girl though!

NaBloMo Day 6

2009-11-10T13:56:00.000-08:00

Wanna Win a Kindle!!!! Click here for a Chance, and not only can you enter but you will help me to win a Kindle!!!!

Life is life....Survived subbing in Middle school....

Pretty sure Ive been transported back to high school with some of the childishness that has been going on :-\ Alright lots to do still!

NaBloMo Day 5

2009-11-08T09:06:00.000-08:00

Sorry about missing 3 days....I pretty much dropped into bed every night the last few nights exhausted.....

Thursday I subbed in two different classes for a few hours, then I hung out with Dan at work the rest of the night.

Friday I did a ton of running around....dropped Dan off at work, went to daycare and picked up my check, went to the bank, had lunch/dinner with Dan, studied at his work all night, got mc'ds with dan after work then went to bed...

Saturday, woke up early went out to harve de grace for a club function, then went to Bob Evans to celebrate a club brothers foster son's 4th Bday! Then went to another clubs fuction to support another club brothers tattoo stand, and while i was there I got the outline done for my first tattoo

here it is...

If you look at the dolphin on the right it has a fish on its flipper like Dans arm has and the dolphin on the left has eyelashes for me :-)

It hurt so bad! but now im glad I hung in there and soon ill get it filled in once the outlining heals :-)

Alright gotta go laundry is almost dry!

Wordless wednseday montage....

2009-11-04T20:53:00.001-08:00

couldnt make up my mind on what to post for Day three so here it goes lol....

A Porcupine from the Baltimore zoo came to visit my second graders when i student taught and I fell in love with it!

My first live nascar race at Dover!

My god daughter passed out in her high chair during my visit to Texas!

Rugged Cross ride to a lake in PA, before Dans accident thought this pic looked cool!

After Dan's accident jen came to visit him and Jen and I took Dan's parents dog Daisy for a ride!

Hope you all had a great day!

NaBloMo Day 3

2009-11-03T07:49:00.000-08:00

So work last night was horrible like to the point that I ended up calling and informing them I would not finish out the rest of my two weeks. Which to be fair was only two days....None the less, I will start substituting on Thursday because Dan and I both agreed that I should start studying for the Praxis II (which is in like 2 weeks) and do stuff around the house....I am so glad I have an understanding and supportive fiancee. Well for now thats about it..... Hi Dawn!!!! :-D

NaBloPoMo Day 2

2009-11-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

Well today is going to be a short one kids because i need to leave for work in 15 min. So yesterday I failed to mention my spectacular sleeping habits. Saturday I slept from 1:30am-2pm....almost 12 hours straight....was up till 4 pm then fell back alseep for another 2 hours... Sunday I slept till 10 am and then this morning woke up at 2 am got sick fell back asleep till my alarm went off went to work, till 8:30, went to Freds to hang out with Dan, fell back asleep for another hour and a half, and I feel like I could go to bed right now and sleep till tomorrow morning....I dunno....Im exhausted though....im hoping its the time change, and the weather thats making me feel this way and that Im not sick....Alright got some stuff to do before heading back to work...so ill see yall later!

NaBloPoMo

2009-11-01T15:21:00.000-08:00

So I decided to do NaBloPoMo which is National Blogging Month because I saw that my friend Dawn was doing it and my loving fiancee has been whining that I haven't blogged much lately....so today is day one and my introduction!

Life has been hectic...and I am hoping to have at least some what of a routine with blogging. As of Wednesday I will no longer work for celebree....I enjoy substituting way to much not to do it....and hopefully Ill be able to get my name and face out there to be hired as a teacher! I have exactly 2 weeks before I take Praxis 2.....guess I need to buckle down and start studying again....whooops! lol...

So clocks were set back an hour last night....and here begins my struggle with winter....I hate that it is dark by 6:30pm....if not earlier....it kills me....I feel like I have no time to do anything during the day, and I begin to feel anxious over everything....the last four or five days Ive felt anxious and have tried to handle it well...and I was alittle confused by how I was feeling but now I understand my body was trying to say "hey, cass pay attention this is the time of year you ~~LOVE~~ HATE!" Im already worrying about the holidays and stressing out about them. I know it seems silly....but being around a ton of people all in one day....not my idea of a good time....but I have Dan this year, and I know he will be able to help me get through it as he always does....

Speaking of Dan, he has started back to work! His foot has been hurting him a good deal, so the physical therapist gave him a walking boot that he wears during work but besides that he has been doing well! ( I love you, BABE!)

Alright...wrote way more then i expected to lol....Time to go Dan should be off of work soon!

Congrats....

2009-10-18T16:02:00.001-07:00

To my blogger friend, Stephanie! This morning she gave birth to her healthy and precious son! YAY!

It is October

2009-10-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

and its been raining for almost a week straight now....I am so over this weather it is not even funny. I was transferred to a different center and I hate it....but it came with a raise so I guess for now I need to hush up. I am looking for new work though.....I am so miserable with this company it is unreal. I actually had my first panic attack in a long time last Wednesday night over how things are going at work. Then on Thursday my first verbal disagreement ever with a person in management, in the past I may have disagreed with how management handled things but I kept my thoughts to my self.....not this time though....I doubt it did any good....and I was threatened with replacement if I did not fall into line like I was expected too....which is fine....if you want to replace me go ahead and do so.....the next time Im threatened with that Ill walk out on them....I was given a lead on a job with the government so we will see.....

2009-09-28T10:28:00.005-07:00

ce a childs behavior! 4 1/2 more hrs...someone please save me!

2009-09-28T10:28:00.003-07:00

is worse! It is pure chaos! The teacher has done nothing but yell and be negative towards the children and snaps at me when i try to positively re-enfor

2009-09-28T10:28:00.001-07:00

Oh my! It has been one of those days already. I miss my usual kids, the class i am in is a kindergarten readiness class. The kids are bad and the teacher

I feel....

2009-09-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

like I live in a prison....I mean, I have to ask for permission to stay out late, or to even go to the hospital when several of the club brothers got into an accident and were taken to an out of state hosptial....Now its not even about my safety, its about the control....I know it is...and its crap....no I do not have a full time job but I am being paid $11 an hour which is more than what I would be paid working full time in retail...if I were even able to work full time in retail....no I dont do shit around the house because I dont see them on Princess Shannons case about anything.....Im tired of being crapped on by them.... Im tired of Shannon getting everything she wants....and them treating me like the black sheep....Im tired of only my faults being recognised by them and not my successes....like graduating.... I graduated....more than what they accomplished more than what shannon has accomplished...and nope...shannon is perfect and cassie fucks up all the time....yes, I know Im having a pity party right now....ok....Im gonna go...bye,

Just to let everyone know...

2009-09-13T20:26:00.000-07:00

I am still alive I got the job at celebree and I start tomorrow morning! YAY! ok ill update some other time Im exhausted night!

FLipping out and wasting time....

2009-09-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

SO I got the interview with Celebree...and one days notice to prepare for it....AHHHHH!!!! So I have a partial portfolio to rebuild, and trying to find something that looks business casual to wear....cause lord knows all my dress clothes are still pack away!Here's hoping and praying I get the job!

I keep....

2009-08-31T19:57:00.001-07:00

putting in applications and I finally got an email back from one of them....this place is further than what I would want to travel so hopefully there is something closer to home with this company...and it is education related....hopefully when I call tomorrow it will all pan out! I really hope it does! I really need it too!

No matter....

2009-08-29T07:11:00.001-07:00

...What I do...Ill be wrong. Its a lesson I learned before moving in with Bobby...and I am once again being reminded of it. I was pretty much told that I couldn't stay at Dan's parents house because my parents relationship is bad right now or suffering because of me.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I was guilted into doing what they wanted me to do once before....and look where it got them...if your relationship sucks...that's not my fault....that is on you and him....grow up, be an adult, and figure it out. Blaming your children for your own relationship issues is inexcussable and unbelievable.

...and people wonder why Im on Anti-depressants and need counseling....ARGH!

Excited!

2009-08-25T21:38:00.001-07:00

So I found out that CCBC Essex is desperate for Adjuncts, and I'm going to call whoever I need to tomorrow in order to get a position teaching there....I need a job! Things have been rocky with my parents to the point my father threatened to kick me out of the house....among other things...so that has me stressed.

Dan is recovering well...he is getting around fairly decently only using his walker or wheel chair when we leave the house for long periods of time. He has also begun to drive. He has purchased and Tagged a new bike, and after he receives his disability later this week plans to tag and insure the car his father bought for him. He began out patient therapy today, and as for today things went well.

We have been discussing just having a small ceremony, or going to the court house. Yeah the dress and all that stuff is nice...but we can also save that same money and put a down payment on a house or to rent our own place. This ceremony or court house date may occur sooner rather than later due to the situation with my parents. I want to marry Dan anyway, regardless of the situation with my parents....so why not sooner?

Speaking of the court house, Dan received a court summons, regarding the accident, and it is at the end of September, which is rather soon, so I am very impressed with the city with that.

Still no sign of my fingerprinting card....even though I got the government papers saying nothing was found...so we shall see. School starts next week, so hopefully Ill get my card soon so I can mail everything in.

Lastly....A close up of the beautiful ring Dan gave me when he proposed! Love it and him!

Dan....

2009-07-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

Proposed....and I said yes! Right now, our tentative date is sometime Summer 2011. This is for many reasons, 1) to save up money to pay for a wedding (which are expensive) and 2) so my sister can be present, and one of my bridesmaids at the wedding!

I decided against going to the Ukraine, I have many reasons for deciding not too, none of them involving the fact that Dan proposed the day after I applied to.

Any way Im beat....so I will post pics at another time!