So tonight

was good and bad.....Went to Sarahs birthday dinner....and it was interesting.....it was the first time I had seen Tony in 4 years, and I almost left....I felt like he kept positioning himself near me and talking to me more than what was necessary...and I dont know if it was because it looked obvious that I felt awkward or what but it was weird.....and I ended up sitting across from (which put me across from Steph and Tony) because even though I knew people I hadnt seen them in forever and it was easier to sit near people I felt comfortable around...because I do feel comfortable around Steph. I dont know....it was just weird over all, I mean I had fun.....but it was weird. It brought back a lot of emotions that I had not been prepared to deal with. On the other hand its been four years and I should be over it ..... I shouldnt have these emotions. I shouldnt see what made me fall in love with him to begin with....in fact I never wanted things to end and our friendship was always flirty so I am hoping that Steph doesnt suspect that I still have feelings for him...because if I step back I can see that its not that I have feelings for him I just miss what we had when things were good. I just hope that he looked at me and was like "dammmnnnnnn she looks fucking awesome and is doing really well....I fucked up big time!" LOL A girl can dream :-) Ok I need to shower and go to bed.....night.