Feeling unsure....

So my depression is getting the best of me....it def gets worse with the less sleep I get....and Im worried. I want to breastfeed....but I cant if Im on my medication....and Im scared not to go back on my medication after I have Marty....even with a lack of sleep, on my medication I deal with things much better....so I dont know....I wish there was a medication that would work for me that is safe for me to be on while pregnant, and then safe for me to use while breastfeeding....I know in the end in order to take care of Marty, I have to take care of myself....Im just so torn.....