Anxiety.....

So my medication was upped today to 150mg because I felt like I was beginning to level out to how I was feeling back before I was on the medication. So I start that amount tomorrow and I pray to god that it works I hate going back to that person I was, crying over stupid stuff, not wanting to do my school work, and just all around feeling like crap. Of Course it also may not have helped that last week I went out drinking two seperate nights and had a lot both nights.....I really am going to have to curb the drinking alcohol....I like drinking, I like who I am when drinking, others like me when I am drinking, and that is a very bad pattern to get into and so I will not go down that road!

My dad warned me about being careful about who I tell that I suffer from anxiety and depression but I am not entirely sure why. Even though I am getting to the point where I refuse to let it control me it still is a part of who I am and makes up a part of my personality. I also feel that the more people talk about it the more awarness it will recieve and the less likely people are to go through suffering when there is no need too! When I first was diagnosed I wanted medication, but there was no real follow through with my doctor I felt good on the dosage I was on and he accepted that. My dosage was bumped up to what my father orginally started on and I felt a little bit better....so that is what I stayed on. When I started to feel crappy again instead of possibly trying something else he upped the dosage again....and I started to get frustrated because with the new dosage I didnt feel much of a change.
--------------
So the computer at school I was working on shut down on me so I will just start from here.

Lately things have been up and down for me....today was an up day! I took my second motorcycle ride and lived to tell about it lol and I got to shoot a gun, well two guns actually, and had a blast! I can not wait to do it again! I am hooked! I want to try shooting all types of guns now lol! But riding a motorcycle should wait time its warmer its taken 4 hours for me to feel human again lol....In other news god has answered my prayers about money and has let my finanical aid go to pending status so hopefully...itll hit soon and I can get my rebate check before going on spring break and to Texas! Yes I am going to Texas to visit my friend Crystal and maybe, possibly seeing Ms. Aimee if she has money to meet us half way! I am so excited!!!!! I can not wait to meet Crystals little girl! She is so cute! alrighty I am falling asleep here....night!