Saturday, December 6, 2008

I just love.....

being told I'm not having an anxiety attack when I clearly am. I have dealt with these attacks for 4 years if not longer.....I know what my triggers are and I know for the most part how to prevent my triggers from occurring....on some occasions though I do not keep up on my school work I get overloaded and I get severely stressed.....and therefore will have an anxiety attack. I also know what helps calm me down. I talked to one of my friends, who has a degree in psychology, explained to her my symptoms I had last night....she said what i described was an anxiety attack. So I had a bad anxiety attack on Thursday night, because of my portfolio wasn't anywhere where it needed to be to be finished....and I decided to wake him and ask him for a hug and to calm me down....and he took that as I was acting like a child.....and thinks that I wasn't having an attack because the behavior on the outside of what he could see stopped but what I was feeling didn't actually stop. But I knew that if the behavior that he was seeing continued he'd be even more mad and we would fight more and that wouldn't help. So last night i was too tired to fight with him being mad at me....I just went to bed. Today he was still mad at me....and instead of him talking to me about it he stormed off when I pushed the issue and ended up driving to NC and who knows where now.....he seems to think that my "anxiety attacks" arent real and I just act that way for attention....yes...Im that great of an actress where I can fake my chest feeling like its going to cave in and force myself to throw up and have a nose bleed...great feat, eh? Sorry Im not that good of an actress people. I cant cry on command. and evidently Im suppose to Inspire him....wtf? Seriously.....inspire him? how? Im at a loss....I tried to do cute stuff for him before....with no reaction....why would I try now....? Im not a muse.....Im human. I just dont know.....I know I need to change for myself....I do not like having motivation to do things.....I know I do not like having anxiety attacks.....but I do need to learn how to talk myself through them or to call someone who actually gets what they are like when they occur.....and surprisingly there were tears this time around but not nearly the same amount.....so it is something I can and will change I didnt use to cry like this and I will get back to that girl I once was and when I do that and he's still not happy well then we know the issue really never was me, it was him all along. ok Im exhausted....Im going to bed. Here is hoping things can get better sooner rather than later.

1 comment:

Mberenis said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Anniversary

Daisypath Anniversary tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

LilySlim Weight loss tickers