Wednesday, April 8, 2009



Once again I want to apologize for how things ended between us. But we both knew it was coming to an end. Neither of us had been happy for a long while. I find it hard to believe that you say you may never find anyone who made you feel the way I did. In the very beginning you showed me how you felt, and let me know how happy I made you, but the last two years all you did was tell me how you did not care. What was I suppose to do? For 2 years, I tried and gave my all....for what? To be pushed away, to be told I was not good enough? For 3 years I tried to please you, tried to make you happy....all the while, making myself miserable. I gave up my family and their respect for YOU! For what? To be placed last in line on your list of priorities? To have to defend myself against YOUR friends, when they disrespected me? I tried for 4 years, to change, to become a better person not only for myself, but for you, for what? To be told I needed to try harder and that the progress I have made was not worth anything, nor measurable in your eyes?

How can you question if I ever loved you? If I did not love you would I have stayed after you kissed that girl while in CA, even after you tried to hide it from me? Would I have pushed my family away for you? Would I have put up living in a hellish living situation with roommates who pushed my buttons every chance they got, without having you backing me up and asking them to layoff? Would I have put up with you allowing your parents to smoke in "OUR" house during the holidays, even knowing I would end up sick within days? The answer to all of these questions is no. If I did not love you I would have left....I would not have put up with being treated as crappily as I allowed you to treat me. I should have left you the moment I found that text msg that you sent to that girl in CA say "Ive waited so long to kiss your lips". But no, instead of leaving, I made myself extremely ill over the fact that I may have done something to push you into kissing her, or that you may not love me the way that I loved you. I should have had the respect for myself to say, even though I love him I refuse to be treated this way.

I understand that financial you cared for me for 3 years, but I am sorry that was not enough. I needed emotional care, and understanding, something that I felt was lacking in our relationship. I felt whenever I tried to reach out to you, I was pushed away and deemed as being too needy. I now realize that I was not being too needy and that what I was asking for from you was not unreasonable. It was not unreasonable to ask for someone to spend a little bit of time connecting with me everyday...especially if I live with them. It is not unreasonable to ask to be treated with respect, and to expect your family to be respectful towards me. It was not unreasonable to expect to be included in decisions regarding events being held in "our" home, especially if this even includes allowing your parents to smoke in the house, even though I had repeatedly expressed that I would appreciate it if they were not allowed to smoke in the house, especially since I get sinus infections and/or ear infections whenever I am around cigerrate smoke. Plus I did not want my stuff smelling like that. It is one thing if we are exposed to it in thier home....but they should have been expected to respect me and my wishes and have refrained from smoking while over.

I will always care about you and love you. I want to thank you for throwing me out though. Now I have the opportunity to be in a respectful, loving, and emotional relationship which is what I am capable of having and deserve to have.


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