*disclaimer* I am sick....so Im not thinking clearly....

So Ive decided, that when I have kids if I have girls, I will not not read them fairy tales, or let them play with princess toys....all it does it build a false sense of hope for something that does not truly exist. That's all Romantic Comedies do, that's all love stories and romance novels do....is build a hope that somewhere, someday a guy will come along and sweep us off of our feet, and we will go off and live happily ever after..... In reality, life never turns out the way it should, people die too soon....or not soon enough, people fight and those who shouldn't disappoint and hurt you will ultimately disappoint and more than likely hurt you the most. I've tried getting back to the optimistic girl that I was back in high school....and you know I'm not that girl any more. I'm not fully sure who I am any more. I've discovered I can't be someone I'm not and I'm not a girl any more. Realistically, I tried giving my heart to the wrong people.....and now I have a hard time determining who can be trusted and who is just there to use me until something better comes along. I tell myself I am not stupid or lazy, especially since these were my mothers favorite two words to use with me....but now I wonder if I really am these things. I wonder if I am really as smart as I think I am or if I am just really good at faking the smart thing. I am not a house keeper, and in that sense I am lazy, I hate doing house work with a passion. I think largely because I was always criticized for how I did things...never praised for even attempting to help....but always shown how it could be done better. I am tired.......just tired of all of it....tired of not feeling good enough.....tired of not being able to support my self.... tired of not having faith in myself.....and tired of being treated like shit. Alrighty now that Im done with the pity party....Im going to go.