Frustrated

All I wanted was a simple wedding....am I getting that....nope! I got harassed into wearing a dress, and my little sister, decides she's going to do whatever she wants and tells dan's mom to go ahead and make flowers for me....even after I had said....I dont want flowers! Im not mad at Dan's mom....I beyond pissed at my sister. If they cant respect my wishes now....what is going to happen when the baby is here! Ive decided my sister will get supervised visits with my sister only. She will not babysit, she will not be left alone with my child for a moment, she will get to sit across the room and look at her niece or nephew but not interact with him or her at all.....because I obviously can not trust her to respect my wishes on something that isnt life altering how can I expect her to respect my wishes with my child. Im going to find something to snack on and kick my sister out of the living room so I can sleep. 1 more day of living here, and im home free!

I am beyond....

annoyed, pissed, you name it anger wise Im there....my father pretty much told me Im a fuck up and a failure, and my sister has every right to point it out every chance she gets....GREAT! F'ing GREAT! I know I screwed up and now dan and I are making the best of it....

As for not telling people about being preggo...or moving up the wedding date....forgive me....theres a shit load of crap going on and the ones who I talk to the most and have texted with recently have been the ones to find out first....Im sorry if anyones feelings got hurt I wasnt trying to slight anyone. But there is only so much I can do as one person, I try my best to stay in contact with everyone. Sometimes a wrong phone number gets used, sometimes I get tired of making an effort and being shut down or ignored, no matter how busy I am I try to reply to texts or emails. Im sorry if I expect the same and when it doesnt happen, and I try again and again I give up after awhile. Relationships change, and you stay in closer contact with some then you do others. That is life!

Need to....

Bitch.....Hormones are in full swing so here it goes....

I forgot to tell one of my friends Im preggo....and getting married....this is a friend I barely talk to anymore....and someone who always has sided with Bobby on everything.....

and her feelings are hurt! Im sorry maybe its just the hormones, but I mean really....I hardly talk to you anymore. The only time i talk to you is on facebook.....I found out who you were dating through facebook....and dont get me wrong Im happy for you, but it is insane that you would believe my lying, cheating ex over someone you claim to be your best friend.... so yes, I guess we really are just facebook/myspace friends....

In other news....parents took the whole preggo thing better then to be expected but not as well as Dans parents did....and yes we're getting married before my sister leaves for 13 months. So sorry blogging world life has been hectic, and ive been exhausted and sick....sinus infections while preggo sucks big time!

Ok Im gonna lay down for alittle while....just had to get that out!

So ya know...

That test I referred too that we were hoping it came back negative....well we did the test tonight and it was positive....

Dan though saying he is excited is probably scared shitless.....

and I am terrified.......

Did it twice and both came back positive well before the 3 min. time limit......

Oh and if your friends with me on facebook or myspace and your reading this please do not post anything on either of those sites just yet..... we're waiting till after the holiday's to officially break the news...

Dan and I are actually more scared to tell my parents, then to be in the position we're in. Def. need to set up a drs. appt. just to be sure though and to get started on care.....goodbye caffinee....and chocolate and every other yummy thing that comes out for the holiday's.....need to check if I can be weened off my happy meds or if I have to quit cold turkey.....

So much to think about, so much to do.....Im still in shock....though I keep telling myself...hey at least you got through college first, and at least your engaged....that's more then what most people from Dundalk can say.....though I know my parents will not feel the same way....

how do we tell them? how would you want to know?

Even just within the few hours of knowing, I know I already love this little being.....

I just dont want to screw up......

I got

part of my results for Praxis II the multiple choice section I passed still waiting to hear about the written part!

Hello blogging world

I am still alive.....I just have been uber busy.....babysitting.....long term subbing in a high school family studies class.....lets just say if I could handle them I can handle just about anything!

Sometime this week I get my scores for Praxis II lets pray I pass.....

Theres another test I may need to take....but we're hoping that one comes back with a negative score on it.

and thats about it for now.....Im tired as crap....oh long term subbing for high school is over for now....hopefully Ill get another long term postition in an elementary school! Alrighty....I must go now. Cya!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Just wanted to put that out in the blogging world! Also.....I total sneak attacked a students Ipod yesterday! It was super cool! Ill explain...lata!

Cassie

Yeah yeah I know I totally suck at...

blogging everyday! So New news, I am now the newest long term substitute at Dundalk High School. For a Family Studies teacher....so its interesting to say the least. The first day went by in a blur but went well. Friday was another story. My First class is Decisions in Family Living....so far not to bad, and its a good group of kids. My second and third classes are both food and nutrition classes....yeah, Ms. I love fast food and funk food, and cant cook to save her life... is teaching Foods and Nutrition....what is up with that? Anyway, these kids range from pleasent to down right iggnorant...and with my temper and relfexive nature to snap back I am in for one heck of a ride so please, Please, PLEASE pray for me with these two classes! My last class is Intro to Human Services. The last two days we have been learning about HIV and AIDS, Here is how our conversation went for about 5 minutes:

Student A: Ms. Hickey, theres this woman and she's 6months pregnat, can you hit
the baby in the head with your thing and could it cause brain damage?

Me: Um, Thats really not an appriopriate question to be asking right now.

Student B: Yes, you can hit the baby in the head and it can cause brain damage.

Student A: Why not we're talking about how HIV and AIDS are spread and we
started talking about sex.

Department head: Yes you can touch the baby while having intercourse, most women
find it uncomfortable during the later months of their pregnacy, and we
are not discussing this any furthur at this time, if you are interested in
this you can take a child development course or ask your parents
any questions you may have.

Needless to say I was very grateful to my department head for saving me from anymore embarrassment. All I could do was laugh at the question and the girl that answered him in sincerity....*Sighs* No wonder there are so many unplanned pregnanceies at this high school....these kids probably think if you have sex in weird postions or in the water you dont need to use protection!

I such a screw up...i feel like nothing i do is right and that sometimes i should just stay in bed.

NaBloMo Day 9

So I know Ive been a bad blogger....so much has gone on....I studied my butt off for Praxis II and in a month I should get my scores....Im not sure if I passed....which from what I understand if you walk out of the room feeling like you failed it is a good sign because more than likely you passed....so we will see.....I hope I did so I can apply and get my certification to teach in the state of md.

I also had a massive fight with my sister and parents today....ugh....if your not home how the hell can I ask who the cookies are for....yes my mom yelled at me for eating a few cookies meant for my grandparents....then my sister flipped out on me for being on the house computer because she had a paper to write for class...when she has her on damn laptop...her excuse...she doesnt have a printer....um...email anyone? or ever heard of a flash drive? Ive done both when Ive been in a pinch....

well Im still exhausted....so I think its time for bed....night ya'll!

NaBloMo Day 8

So No one ever told me....that tattoos itched this much....oh my! I wanna scratch my back off right now and its just the outline lord knows what the color will feel like! I can not wait to be able to scratch my lower back again!

NaBloMo Day 7...Wordless Wednesday

Me and Rachel over the summer....def had a few to many! Love this girl though!

NaBloMo Day 6

Wanna Win a Kindle!!!! Click here for a Chance, and not only can you enter but you will help me to win a Kindle!!!!

Life is life....Survived subbing in Middle school....

Pretty sure Ive been transported back to high school with some of the childishness that has been going on :-\ Alright lots to do still!

NaBloMo Day 5

Sorry about missing 3 days....I pretty much dropped into bed every night the last few nights exhausted.....

Thursday I subbed in two different classes for a few hours, then I hung out with Dan at work the rest of the night.

Friday I did a ton of running around....dropped Dan off at work, went to daycare and picked up my check, went to the bank, had lunch/dinner with Dan, studied at his work all night, got mc'ds with dan after work then went to bed...

Saturday, woke up early went out to harve de grace for a club function, then went to Bob Evans to celebrate a club brothers foster son's 4th Bday! Then went to another clubs fuction to support another club brothers tattoo stand, and while i was there I got the outline done for my first tattoo

here it is...

If you look at the dolphin on the right it has a fish on its flipper like Dans arm has and the dolphin on the left has eyelashes for me :-)

It hurt so bad! but now im glad I hung in there and soon ill get it filled in once the outlining heals :-)

Alright gotta go laundry is almost dry!

Wordless wednseday montage....

couldnt make up my mind on what to post for Day three so here it goes lol....

A Porcupine from the Baltimore zoo came to visit my second graders when i student taught and I fell in love with it!


My first live nascar race at Dover!


My god daughter passed out in her high chair during my visit to Texas!

Rugged Cross ride to a lake in PA, before Dans accident thought this pic looked cool!

After Dan's accident jen came to visit him and Jen and I took Dan's parents dog Daisy for a ride!


Hope you all had a great day!

NaBloMo Day 3

So work last night was horrible like to the point that I ended up calling and informing them I would not finish out the rest of my two weeks. Which to be fair was only two days....None the less, I will start substituting on Thursday because Dan and I both agreed that I should start studying for the Praxis II (which is in like 2 weeks) and do stuff around the house....I am so glad I have an understanding and supportive fiancee. Well for now thats about it..... Hi Dawn!!!! :-D

NaBloPoMo Day 2

Well today is going to be a short one kids because i need to leave for work in 15 min. So yesterday I failed to mention my spectacular sleeping habits. Saturday I slept from 1:30am-2pm....almost 12 hours straight....was up till 4 pm then fell back alseep for another 2 hours... Sunday I slept till 10 am and then this morning woke up at 2 am got sick fell back asleep till my alarm went off went to work, till 8:30, went to Freds to hang out with Dan, fell back asleep for another hour and a half, and I feel like I could go to bed right now and sleep till tomorrow morning....I dunno....Im exhausted though....im hoping its the time change, and the weather thats making me feel this way and that Im not sick....Alright got some stuff to do before heading back to work...so ill see yall later!

NaBloPoMo

So I decided to do NaBloPoMo which is National Blogging Month because I saw that my friend Dawn was doing it and my loving fiancee has been whining that I haven't blogged much lately....so today is day one and my introduction!

Life has been hectic...and I am hoping to have at least some what of a routine with blogging. As of Wednesday I will no longer work for celebree....I enjoy substituting way to much not to do it....and hopefully Ill be able to get my name and face out there to be hired as a teacher! I have exactly 2 weeks before I take Praxis 2.....guess I need to buckle down and start studying again....whooops! lol...

So clocks were set back an hour last night....and here begins my struggle with winter....I hate that it is dark by 6:30pm....if not earlier....it kills me....I feel like I have no time to do anything during the day, and I begin to feel anxious over everything....the last four or five days Ive felt anxious and have tried to handle it well...and I was alittle confused by how I was feeling but now I understand my body was trying to say "hey, cass pay attention this is the time of year you LOVE HATE!" Im already worrying about the holidays and stressing out about them. I know it seems silly....but being around a ton of people all in one day....not my idea of a good time....but I have Dan this year, and I know he will be able to help me get through it as he always does....

Speaking of Dan, he has started back to work! His foot has been hurting him a good deal, so the physical therapist gave him a walking boot that he wears during work but besides that he has been doing well! ( I love you, BABE!)

Alright...wrote way more then i expected to lol....Time to go Dan should be off of work soon!

Congrats....

To my blogger friend, Stephanie! This morning she gave birth to her healthy and precious son! YAY!

It is October

and its been raining for almost a week straight now....I am so over this weather it is not even funny. I was transferred to a different center and I hate it....but it came with a raise so I guess for now I need to hush up. I am looking for new work though.....I am so miserable with this company it is unreal. I actually had my first panic attack in a long time last Wednesday night over how things are going at work. Then on Thursday my first verbal disagreement ever with a person in management, in the past I may have disagreed with how management handled things but I kept my thoughts to my self.....not this time though....I doubt it did any good....and I was threatened with replacement if I did not fall into line like I was expected too....which is fine....if you want to replace me go ahead and do so.....the next time Im threatened with that Ill walk out on them....I was given a lead on a job with the government so we will see.....

ce a childs behavior! 4 1/2 more hrs...someone please save me!

is worse! It is pure chaos! The teacher has done nothing but yell and be negative towards the children and snaps at me when i try to positively re-enfor

Oh my! It has been one of those days already. I miss my usual kids, the class i am in is a kindergarten readiness class. The kids are bad and the teacher

I feel....

like I live in a prison....I mean, I have to ask for permission to stay out late, or to even go to the hospital when several of the club brothers got into an accident and were taken to an out of state hosptial....Now its not even about my safety, its about the control....I know it is...and its crap....no I do not have a full time job but I am being paid $11 an hour which is more than what I would be paid working full time in retail...if I were even able to work full time in retail....no I dont do shit around the house because I dont see them on Princess Shannons case about anything.....Im tired of being crapped on by them.... Im tired of Shannon getting everything she wants....and them treating me like the black sheep....Im tired of only my faults being recognised by them and not my successes....like graduating.... I graduated....more than what they accomplished more than what shannon has accomplished...and nope...shannon is perfect and cassie fucks up all the time....yes, I know Im having a pity party right now....ok....Im gonna go...bye,

Just to let everyone know...

I am still alive I got the job at celebree and I start tomorrow morning! YAY! ok ill update some other time Im exhausted night!

FLipping out and wasting time....

SO I got the interview with Celebree...and one days notice to prepare for it....AHHHHH!!!! So I have a partial portfolio to rebuild, and trying to find something that looks business casual to wear....cause lord knows all my dress clothes are still pack away!Here's hoping and praying I get the job!

I keep....

putting in applications and I finally got an email back from one of them....this place is further than what I would want to travel so hopefully there is something closer to home with this company...and it is education related....hopefully when I call tomorrow it will all pan out! I really hope it does! I really need it too!

No matter....

...What I do...Ill be wrong. Its a lesson I learned before moving in with Bobby...and I am once again being reminded of it. I was pretty much told that I couldn't stay at Dan's parents house because my parents relationship is bad right now or suffering because of me.... ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I was guilted into doing what they wanted me to do once before....and look where it got them...if your relationship sucks...that's not my fault....that is on you and him....grow up, be an adult, and figure it out. Blaming your children for your own relationship issues is inexcussable and unbelievable.


...and people wonder why Im on Anti-depressants and need counseling....ARGH!

Excited!

So I found out that CCBC Essex is desperate for Adjuncts, and I'm going to call whoever I need to tomorrow in order to get a position teaching there....I need a job! Things have been rocky with my parents to the point my father threatened to kick me out of the house....among other things...so that has me stressed.

Dan is recovering well...he is getting around fairly decently only using his walker or wheel chair when we leave the house for long periods of time. He has also begun to drive. He has purchased and Tagged a new bike, and after he receives his disability later this week plans to tag and insure the car his father bought for him. He began out patient therapy today, and as for today things went well.

We have been discussing just having a small ceremony, or going to the court house. Yeah the dress and all that stuff is nice...but we can also save that same money and put a down payment on a house or to rent our own place. This ceremony or court house date may occur sooner rather than later due to the situation with my parents. I want to marry Dan anyway, regardless of the situation with my parents....so why not sooner?

Speaking of the court house, Dan received a court summons, regarding the accident, and it is at the end of September, which is rather soon, so I am very impressed with the city with that.

Still no sign of my fingerprinting card....even though I got the government papers saying nothing was found...so we shall see. School starts next week, so hopefully Ill get my card soon so I can mail everything in.

Lastly....A close up of the beautiful ring Dan gave me when he proposed! Love it and him!

Dan....

Proposed....and I said yes! Right now, our tentative date is sometime Summer 2011. This is for many reasons, 1) to save up money to pay for a wedding (which are expensive) and 2) so my sister can be present, and one of my bridesmaids at the wedding!

I decided against going to the Ukraine, I have many reasons for deciding not too, none of them involving the fact that Dan proposed the day after I applied to.

Any way Im beat....so I will post pics at another time!

True love is not measured in hugs and kisses, but in struggles and fears, and those who can work though those...they possess true love". Adam Murphy

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity". Gilda Radner, 1946-1989


"True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another". Owen Wilson in Wedding Crashers

"Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy; even love unreturned has its rainbow." Eaton Stannard Barret

"All you need is already within you, only you must approach your self with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors. Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of love you bear for your self, all I plead with you is this: make love of your self perfect. Deny yourself nothing -- glue your self infinity and eternity and discover that you do not need them; you are beyond". Nisargadatta Maharaj

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Alfred, Lord Tennyson

"If you love the children of others, you will love your own even better". Anonymous

"Love is an emotion without limit and understanding."

"Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations." Kahlil Gibran

"A man has only one escape from his old self to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes". Clare Boothe Luce

"True love begins when nothing is looked for in return." Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"The world moves for love; it kneels before it in awe". Edward Walker, in The Village

"Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you." Vipin Sharma

"If their smile warms your heart, embrace eases you, and kiss distills all wrong done to man, then you know that you have found true love."

"To love and be loved is the greatest happiness of existence." Sydney Smith